i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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