I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
