my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
