I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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