I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
