If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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