Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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