Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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