When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
