Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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