i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
