yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
