Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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