just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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