Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
