a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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