What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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