ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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