yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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