She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
