Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
