So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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