Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
