About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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