Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Couch. On fire.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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