I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
