so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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