i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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