**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
