You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
