Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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