Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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