wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
