i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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