thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize