You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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