all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
