I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
