I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
