Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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