I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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