she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
