Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
