I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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