Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
