I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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