she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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