You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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