My room smells like vodka and shame
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
