Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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