i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
