I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
