Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
