around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize