I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
