As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
