My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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