nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
