i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
