I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
