Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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