just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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