i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
