Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
