If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ketchup is God's man juice
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
