yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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