I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
