She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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