Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
