So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
