Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
