it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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