Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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