i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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