"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
