I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
